A Ghostly Life


I never got to say goodbye. Never saw the body. My child asked me not to look.The remains were at sea for several days, providing nutrition for fish and perhaps mammals. I asked if he was in one piece. I don’t know why it mattered to me. Possibly because Isis had to go to the ends of the earth to find 14 pieces of her husband. She found 13.

She had to fashion the 14th to put him whole again.

So I undertake the same, in the underworld, to where he’s gone.

He told me we would be closer than ever some day. They say true love never dies.

The Dog Star resonates with me now. When others say, “Are you serious?” they are wondering if I’m sincere or ernest, but it sounds to me like they are asking if I’m Sirius.

When you get older, the stars assert themselves, reminding you of your eventual return to interstellar space.

Speaking of John Coltrane, he is good  medicine for now.

I’ve been listening to Dave’s music, when I can stand it. I feel him constantly.

They say you find the most precious things when you’re not looking. I found everything I wasn’t looking for: Christmas, Easter, Ground Hog’s Day/Brigid, Santa Lucia, All Hallow’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, a roll in the hay at 3 a.m. (midnight California time) on New Year’s, a wedding on the first day of spring. I felt the death of the Sun King each August, and each October the chilly skies in windswept Noe Valley blew in the pagan new year.

I met a time traveler who has traveled on. He blessed a great many people, and he eclipsed me. His precious body is a memory, but his soul abides. I’m glad I can love him, but rebuke myself daily for not making more inquiries, for being worn down by it all. I would have given anything to keep him here, but sometimes a soul feels trapped, alone, exhausted, afraid and worthless. I saw Dave as free, well-attended, energetic, fearless and confident. If his wife saw him as that, how could he end up the opposite? I have such a hard time believing he didn’t share or cherish my opinion of him. He revealed my weaknesses and evoked my strengths, exactly as God does. I worshipped him.

The goal for everyone is to attain enlightenment. Is a genius not closer to enlightenment than a dullard? Many think the genius is an enlightener. The egoist genius results when a genius is patronized, and this is the ruination of artistry.

To require patronization for any art is an abomination. Art should be folded into life’s necessities, not regarded as a bonus. Folk art and high art are not two sorts of art except that one requires more money than necessary to make its point. If we are all swept away anyway, what need to hew something in stone?

The human heart is longer lasting. Love is forever. Better to celebrate love and nurture living relationships than to pay someone to describe their inspiration for all time. Give me utopia over any pretty city. Give me a culture of kindness that makes art out of food and plates to put it on, baskets to carry the day’s harvest and other necessary items.

I’ll make art out of my clothes, movement, speech, relationships, prayers, and if I’m successful, I will change the world to folk art, with everyone serving everyone, singing their joy in communion with Mother Earth, Sun of God, Harmony of the Spheres, the Compassionate One conceiving all in perfect time.

That said, I’m sure glad for Stonehenge. Its design rewards study. It was clearly made by genii. It’s obvious that whomever made this stone device anticipated the need to hew important information in stone, as humans were about to get very stupid, and when they got smart again they would need to understand Stonehenge’s information in order to get out of the unbelievable mess they will be in.

We are about to get very smart as necessity will demand us to pledge, once again, the types of pledges Americans made to one another in dire times: to care for one another’s interests as one would one’s own. Selflessness and trust are the basis of community because everyone must both contribute and sacrifice in turn for the greater good. These truths we hold to be self-evident; that to claim the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, one has to grant that right to all.

Why should one abandon equality? My guess is that many people believe a selfish world is “human nature.” I think it’s the opposite. I think human nature is fundamentally selfless, with a tender heart and sterling character. For a rebuttal on my assessment of human nature, read Mark Twain’s Letters From the Earth, a book so scandalously hilarious it could only be published 50 years after his death.


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